Ray St. Louis
1/30//06
BETWEEN THE LINES
To: Osama Bin Laden
Somewhere in Pakistan (or maybe Afghanistan)
Dear Osama,
You don’t really know me, and I can’t say that I’m a big fan or anything like that (you being a mass
murderer and all), but I write to you in earnest regarding a matter of, I believe, mutual interest.
By the way, it is my guess that an actual letter is probably the safest way to reach you since our
government now appears to monitor all other forms of communication (phone calls, email) that
American citizens conduct whether we are trying to contact Osama Bin Laden or not.
Some might make the argument our government’s surveillance is a good reason not to try to contact
a person such as yourself. My thinking is that our government now appears to regard all of us as
terrorism suspects anyway, so what have any of us got to lose?
As to how I’m going to get this letter delivered to your mountain cave, I’m a little fuzzy. I’m working on
a tentative connection involving a friend of a friend who has a brother-in-law who has some kind of
business dealing…well, we probably shouldn’t go into the details. Suffice it to say the chances of this
reaching you are dubious at best. Nevertheless, the possible rewards are so great that I make the
attempt in spite of the difficulties.
But let me get to the point of my letter. In your recent audio communication, after first making the
usual threats of mass destruction within our borders, etc., etc., you diverged and mentioned a book.
The Book is titled “Rogue State: A Guide to the World’s Only Superpower” by William Blum.
Within days of your audio missive, Mr. Blum’s book shot up from #205,763 on Amazon.com’s
rankings of the most requested books to #19. One mention from you seems to have transformed Mr.
Blum’s obscure historical narrative into an overnight bestseller. The author appears to be as
dumbfounded as the rest of the world over this unusual twist of events, but is nonetheless welcoming
his newfound notoriety.
Here’s my point, Osama. I’m thinking you may be ready for a little change of pace. I’d like to
recommend a work of fiction that will undoubtedly provide an interesting diversion from the heady
nonfictional political material that seems to be your usual fare.
The novel is titled “The Road Dog Diary” written by yours truly. It is not yet published (I’m having a
hard time breaking into an extremely competitive publishing industry) but one mention from you could
quickly change that.
I thought about contacting Oprah about this, but her credibility, as you may have heard, is a bit
diminished at the moment.
Enclosed please find the complete manuscript to “The Road Dog Diary” along with a self-addressed
stamped envelope (SASE). Like I said, I would very much appreciate your mentioning my book in
your next communiqué if it’s not too much trouble.
Otherwise, a written endorsement mailed back to me in the SASE would be just about as good. Just
hand it off to my friend of a friend’s brother-in-law.
Enjoy the book. I believe you will find it makes excellent cave reading.