Ray St. Louis
1/13/07
BETWEEN THE LINES
Once upon a time, in a little hamlet beside a highway, lived a remarkable lad named Jack.
Jack was a very adventurous fellow. Jack climbed beanstalks, jumped over candlesticks, ate no fat, went up
the hill with Jill, and stuck in his thumb and pulled out a plum.
Jack had outwitted ogres and vanquished giants.
Everyone in the town loved Jack. They were always happy to see him. Unfortunately, this story is not about
Jack. It’s about Jack’s younger brother Charlie.
Charlie was not like Jack. Charlie was always making trouble. He was forever sticking his nose where it didn’
t belong.
Charlie liked to turn up rocks to see what was underneath. Sometimes he found frogs which he would make
the girls kiss to see which ones were enchanted princes.
But mostly Charlie snooped, looking in the shadows and behind closed doors. Most of the people in the
little town found Charlie to be a bit annoying.
One day, Charlie decided to snoop around the town hall where all the town’s officials gathered. Now, the
town had just had an election. The winner of the election had won by just a few votes.
Everyone in the town had voted in the traditional way, by putting a bean in the big election jug—a white
bean if they wanted one candidate, and a black bean in if they wanted the other candidate.
Charlie, who was snooping around town hall peeking through keyholes, thought he saw some officials
inappropriately handling election beans.
Charlie was aghast. “They’re tampering with official election beans,” he cried.
The next day, Charlie marched into the town hall. “I demand to be allowed to inspect the election beans,” he
shouted.
Well, this put all the clerks and bean counters at town hall into a panic. Nobody had ever demanded to
inspect the official election beans. What were they going to do?
“Those beans are not available for inspection at this time,” one of the clerks said.
“Why not?” Charlie demanded.
“Well, they’re just not. And besides, even if they were, you would have to come back during official election
bean viewing hours.”
“I’m not leaving until I get to inspect those beans,” Charlie said. And with that, he pulled up a tuffet, spilling
a bowl of curds and whey, and sat down.
That got the attention of the Town Manager, Mister Twohats, who heard the ruckus from the next room.
“What is the meaning of this pernicious display of acrimony?” Mister Twohats bellowed.
“I want to inspect the election beans,” Charlie replied, still sitting determinedly with arms crossed on his
tuffet.
“You are here to inspect election beans during non-election bean inspecting hours? Why, that’s highly
illegal.” And with that, Mister Twohats removed his Town Manager hat and put on his Police Commissioner
hat. “I’m placing you under arrest,” Mister Twohats informed Charlie.
Mister Twohats directed two of the town’s constables to take Charlie away to jail; but he was soon back on
the street after a judge threw out the charges. However, Charlie’s troubles had only just begun.
Charlie started going to town meetings where he would constantly ask the most uncomfortable questions,
whereupon the town officials would declare Charlie in violation of some rule or other and throw him out.
They even banned Charlie from the town altogether.
“But how,” Charlie pleaded, “will I work? How will I fetch my clothes from my house and wash and eat? How
will I look after my three pet mice? They’re blind, you know.”
“Well,” Mister Twohats scowled, “you should have thought of that prior to snooping around and acting like
such a pest. Now, kindly remove yourself from within the town limits without further ado!”
Then he added, with a scornful sneer, “Too bad you can’t be more like your brother, Jack.”
Well, that one hurt. Charlie hated being compared to his brother. He left but didn’t go far.
And by now, he had attracted the attention of others including the editor of the town’s newspaper who ran a
number of stories about the alleged bean tampering. An official investigation was launched.
Then, a fire mysteriously started in the room where all the town records were kept, and the town hall burned
down. This, in turn, caused a bizarre chain of events that included a cat playing a fiddle, a cow jumping
over the moon, and an illicit affair between two kitchen utensils.
“Well, well, well. The town hall burned down. Isn’t that interesting?” Charlie said as he headed out toward
Miss Muffet’s with a sack full of frogs.
To be continued….