Ray St. Louis
10/20/06
BETWEEN THE LINES
Ah, autumn in America. The chill in the air, the change of colors and weather patterns, the falling leaves, the
traditional fall harvest of political attack ads.
This time around, there is a peculiar scent wafting in the fall pre-election breezes. It smells of rot and
corruption and decay. It is the smell of decomposing Republicans.
If the polls are to be believed, we could be in for one of those watershed moments in American politics, like
Newt Gingrich’s Republican takeover of ’94. But this time it’s the Democrats doing the taking over.
Fact is, the electorate appears ready to throw out the party that has become synonymous with scandal,
incompetence, and cronyism. Latest polls put the GOP Congress’ approval ratings right up there with pond
scum.
It has become clear throughout a good part of the country, including some areas considered traditional
Republican strongholds, that this may not be a good time to be hanging with the GOP. The public’s revulsion
to Republican rot and corruption, along with the war in Iraq, is so widespread that a lot of candidates are not
even mentioning their GOP affiliation in their television ads. Many are more intent on running away from their
party’s leaders and their policies than they are on running with them.
Which brings me to the point of this column: Why would anyone in public life want to pick this particular
moment in history to turn Republican?
I’m speaking now of Alachua City Manager/Police Commissioner Clovis Watson, Jr. At a time when a multitude
of rats are scurrying to get off the sinking ship (or, if not yet getting off, at least jockeying for position near the
lifeboats), Mr. Watson has chosen to merrily come aboard.
I think this course of action may be severely fraught with peril, and if I could be so bold as to give Clovis a little
unsolicited advice, it would be this: try to avoid being seen with George W. Bush.
As you know, Clovis, the public’s approval of the President has about equaled its approval of curdled sour
milk. There is absolutely nothing to be gained by appearing with, getting photographed with, or in any way
being affiliated with your new party’s national leader.
As far as that goes, the same could be said about your party’s number two man, Dick Cheney. In fact, the
Vice President is even more poisonous. His ratings equal that of fish guts. He is the kiss of death. By all
means do not share a stage or anything else with the torturer-in-chief. And most importantly - never, ever,
ever, accompany Dick Cheney on a hunting trip.
So, just stay away from those two guys, Clovis, and you should be all right. Well, you should probably avoid
Don Rumsfeld too. I mean, let’s face it. The guy has totally screwed up the one thing he’s supposed to know
how to do, which is waging war. It’s like calling in the place-kicker to kick a field goal with the game on the line,
after the rest of the team has marched down the field to get into position, and the nincompoop shanks the ball.
All right, so avoid Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld and you should be good to go. Well, you might want to steer
clear of House Speaker Dennis Hastert. The man may be going down in this Mark Foley cover-up scandal, so
just stay away from him too.
I guess it goes without saying, Clovis, that you should stay away from Mark Foley. The guy’s probably going
to prison anyway, so not much chance you’d ever be seen with him. Likewise, Bob Ney (pleaded guilty, going
away for a while). And Randy “Duke” Cunningham who’s already in prison so that one’s safe. And all those
Republicans under indictment like Scooter Libby and Tom Delay. Stay away from them too.
Just a few more to add to the list: Jack “Golf Junkets” Abramoff, Michael “More Golf Junkets” Scanlon, Karl
“Plamegate” Rove, George “Macaca” Allen, Ralph “Still more Golf Junkets” Reed, and Richard “Plamegate”
Armitage. All these guys are currently radioactive, and more are surfacing every day.
Finally, stay away from Katherine Harris. She’s nuts.
Otherwise, you seem to be adjusting quite well, Clovis, to life as a Republican. I see that you have begun
wrapping yourself in God and the flag more consistently to increase your appeal with the religious right. How
did you put it at the Alachua City Commission meeting?...“My support is coming from God.” That was right
before you got all choked up and had to take a few moments to wipe away the tears.
I would caution you on that one, Clovis. Don’t mix religion with public weeping. You don’t want to become
known as the Jimmy Swaggart (“AH HAVE SINNNNED!”) of Alachua.
So good luck with the Republican thing, Clovis; I hope it all works out for you. Just one more thing: these 100
percent job approval ratings from all five city commissioners are a little much, don’t you think? It might look a
little less orchestrated if one or two gave you a score of, say, 95.
Perfect across the board is just a little over the top. After all, you’re not auditioning for sainthood, are you
Clovis?
I mean, let’s get real. You just became a Republican.