Ray St. Louis
10/13/02
BETWEEN THE LINES
When the stench begins to rise from the Sunshine State like an early morning fog, you know it’s
either the result of a big fish die-off or it’s getting close to election time. In this case, it’s both.
Along New Smyrna Beach dead fish were washing up by the thousands last week, enough dead
fish to require beach-rakes and dump trucks.
It could be red tide that caused this epidemic of Biblical proportions, this plague of smelly fish
carcasses that had marine biologists scurrying for tissue samples and tourists packing their bags.
Or it could be all those fish simply choked on the huge mass of hot air generated by the army of
gasbags running for public office.
You’ve got to admit it’s an appropriate image for a Florida election, piles of uncounted fish
gathered up and discarded like so many ballots with dimpled chads (good name for a fish, the
“Dimpled Chad”).
Of course, Florida elections don’t need a big fish die-off to stink. They do pretty well on their own.
This time around, the election process started to seriously reek during last month’s primary
fiasco. Faulty equipment, poll workers who weren’t properly trained or who simply didn’t show up,
polls opening late, machines that weren’t turned on until hours after polls opened, polling stations’
ballots switched – a veritable orgy of incompetence.
The September primary did accomplish one thing: it cemented Florida’s place in American pop
culture as the preeminent election joke state. Late night talk show hosts and political cartoonists
had a field day. My favorite was the cartoon that suggested, after Afghanistan and Iraq, it might
be necessary for our government to go in and establish democratic institutions in Florida.
Even before the primary there was a certain degree of stinkage. Some of it just good old-
fashioned mudslinging; like Jeb’s camp calling McBride a “corporate lawyer” in a wave of attack
commercials that actually backfired. The commercials gave McBride name recognition and made
him a serious contender. Before the attacks he had been running a poor second behind Janet
Reno.
After the primary, McBride’s camp countered by accusing Bush of cheating during the candidates’
televised debate, claiming the Governor got favored treatment even to the point of getting the
questions ahead of time. Bush’s people said it only seemed that way to McBride since the
Democratic challenger didn’t know any of the answers.
But this sort of dirt is just politics as usual. Sure it smells kind of bad, but it's not like living
downwind from the sewage treatment plant. The real stench oozes from the other stuff, the stuff
that goes beyond the norm.
Like congressional candidate Ginny Brown-Waite’s husband and his good-ol’-boy sidekick riding
around in a pick-up truck looking for Karen Thurman signs to smash or steal.
This is Bubba politics at its finest. Harvey Waite, 62, and friend Larry Laxton, 51, were caught in a
VFW parking lot in Hernando County shortly after midnight the morning of October 11 with four
Thurman signs and a hammer in the truck. No doubt it had sounded like a good idea when the
boys first came up with it, earlier in the evening, ‘round about the fourth beer.
Then there’s the curious incongruity of Jerry Springer’s election involvement. Springer, a Florida
native, has been making speeches intended to help get out the vote. He got a warm reception
from a crowd in West Palm Beach recently. Springer has criticized George Bush on Iraq and plans
to campaign for Bill McBride.
Mr. Springer said his embarrassment over his home state’s election problems spurred him to get
involved. Democratic Party officials appear favorable. How sad.
How sad that, in a state with elections so screwed up we’ve become the butt of jokes nationwide,
the king of trash TV is called upon to raise the level of respectability.
Surely there are plenty more fragrancy-challenged campaign shenanigans to come before this
election is history. We all might as well get used to that dead fish smell.